WHAT’S WRONG WITH DADDY? | JASE GRAVES
According to the National Center for Health Statistics (NCHS), about half of Americans are currently trying to lose weight, many of them employing strategies like switching from peanut M&M’s to the plain variety, or drinking more Cherry Coke to increase their intake of fruit. Unfortunately, most diet plans fail, and any calories burned through the exhausting process of signing up for a gym membership are quickly regained through the consumption of a recovery donut on the way home to take a nap. Too bad we can’t all follow the sage advice of the late Benny Hill, who said that the best way to lose ten pounds of ugly fat is to cut off your head.
I kicked off my own dieting journey recently when I was drying off after my morning shower and noticed that I could no longer wrap a towel around my mid-section without the assistance of an industrial ratchet strap. To add insult to injury, the last time my wife and I bought towels, we opted for extra-large “bath sheets,” which apparently can double as bedding when not being used to dry commercial aircraft.
Having already tried a self-designed dieting plan I called the “Cheeto” diet (not to be confused with that newfangled Keto diet), in which I only ate foods described as “cheese-flavored,” I decided to seek medical advice. I already had a doctor’s appointment to see about another personal issue that was threatening to cripple our household plumbing, so while I was there, I asked the doctor about the best way to lose my “spare tire,” which had developed a severe sidewall bulge on each side in the love handle region.
After looking down my throat and looking up my medical records, the doctor suggested that I try a fasting diet. He explained that the diet involves getting regular exercise, skipping breakfast each day of the week and fasting for 24 hours once a week. In other words, this diet takes the novel approach of weight loss through excessive exertion and starvation – commonly known as The Zombie Apocalypse Diet.
It actually hasn’t been all that bad. My internal organs don’t really function properly until around 11:00 AM, so I don’t usually eat much breakfast, anyway – unless Chick-fil-A is involved. I’ve also heard a lot about prayer and fasting at church, and this diet certainly lends itself to praying, mainly that I won’t be tempted to devour our pets.
The biggest problem with the fasting diet, other than my tendency to get a little weepy when I order Chick-fil-A chicken biscuits for my daughters on the way to school, is that when it’s finally time to eat, I’m absolutely ravenous – to the point that I pose a clear and present danger to all nearby edible matter, living or dead. A few nights ago, I’m pretty sure I wolfed down an entire 14-ounce rib-eye without chewing – and that was the appetizer.
To ensure that I get my recommended daily allotment of vitamins, minerals, fiber, and other nutrients missing from food that actually tastes good, the doctor also prescribed an intense battery of dietary supplements to be swallowed by the handful several times a day. I’m starting to think that my daily regimen of supplement capsules is a ruse to fill me up during my fasting periods so I won’t crave something to eat that doesn’t have the consistency of landscaping gravel.
So far, I’m really proud of myself for sticking to my fasting diet plan. Even though I haven’t noticed any results, other than my wife and daughters giving me an unusually wide berth at the dinner table, I’m determined to meet my goals.
Until then, I’ll be looking forward to my next meal – and avoiding eye-contact with the cat.
– Jase Graves is an award-winning humor columnist from East Texas. Other than writing, his primary hobby is sleeping as late as possible. Follow him at Facebook.com/humorwriter.org, and contact him at email@example.com.
Lisa Riley weight loss: Emmerdale star shed a staggering 12st with this diet plan – Express
Lisa Riley is an actress and presenter who played the role of Mandy Dingle in Emmerdale between 1995 and 2001, and again in 2019. She has also appeared on television as a panelist on the ITV show, Loose Women. Recently, fans have noticed Lisa go through a huge weight loss transformation where she has lost a remarkable 12st. Lisa has also slimmed down by seven dress sizes, but how did she lose the weight?
The actress revealed she slimmed down waistline and opened up to share tips on how others can do the same.
Speaking to the Mirror, Lisa explained how slimmers can stay on top of their goals and get back on track after a set back.
She said: “Everyone is bound to have little blips along the way, but don’t see that as failure and a signal to give up – just draw a line under it and move on.”
Lisa revealed she likes to start her day with a cup of hot water and lemon and binned all junk food from her cupboards when trying to lose weight.
She also used portion control to help her slim down from a size 28 to a trim size 12.
Lisa told the Mirror: “I had made myself fat by gorging on bread, crisps, crumpets and red wine.
“Once I accepted responsibility for my health, weight and lifestyle it made it easier to take control. You don’t have to have starter, main and pudding.
“If you are doing that you are eating too much.”
The soap star has also used her Instagram profile to give fans an insight into how she has stayed in shape.
Posting a picture of her before and after losing weight on Instagram, she revealed cutting out alcohol also helped her achieve her slim figure.
She posted: “Making this my lifestyle at least five days a week.
“I watch what I eat day in day out, STILL not a drop of alcohol in nearly four years. THIS IS CHANGE OF LIFE…..not a diet.”
The star also uses her Instagram account to post pictures of her healthy meals to give fans a glimpse of what she eats day-to-day.
Lisa revealed she exercises for a minimum of 30-minutes every day and has started eating meals out of a bowl to help with portion control.
The Emmerdale star released her diet book, Honesty Diet, and one woman recently lost 1st 6lb following the plan for 28-days.
Slimmer Claire documented her weight loss on ITV’s Save Money: Lose Weight and showed how Lisa’s plan helped her slim down from 18st 8lb to 17st 2lb in just four weeks.
For those hoping to slim down, picking up this book could be a good place to start, and there are also other diet plans available.
Dieters can lose up to 10lb in one week by following the low-carb high-fat ketogenic diet plan.
The Optavia Diet Ranked High for Fast Weight Loss—Here's What You Need to Know About It – Health.com
The Keto Diet Has Swept Social Media And That's A Good Thing – Forbes
Social media has become a prime avenue for healthcare content and advice, especially among millennials. Dieting and nutrition, in particular, are among the top trending subjects. In fact, a recent survey of 1300 dietitians conducted by the Pollock Communications Network and Today’s Dietitian showed that the keto diet is now the most popular among consumers. This should come as no surprise considering the level of buzz around it online. It’s been adopted and promoted by celebrities including LeBron James, Tim Tebow, Halle Berry and Kourtney Kardashian. Keto diet is on the rise among the rest of us as well.
So is it as healthy and beneficial as most of us think? Below is a deep dive on the matter.
What is keto?
Keto or the ketogenic diet emphasizes an abundance of healthy fats, a proper amount of protein and low carbs, according to Dr. Eric Berg, a renowned keto expert. It was initially created to help people with epilepsy control their symptoms. Keto has also been determined to be a great option for people with type 2 diabetes. Today, many people use the diet for weight loss and as part of their overall fitness plans.
“Keto works by helping dieters move their bodies into a state of ketosis. This is a natural, metabolic process that occurs when the body doesn’t have glucose to burn for energy. Instead, it consumes its own fat stores,” said Dr. Berg.
What are the benefits of keto?
The keto diet is popular for good reason. People who follow it are often very pleasantly surprised by the results they get. This includes:
- Better skin: Studies have shown that keto stabilizes blood sugar and improves gut bacteria. This can reduce acne and other skin problems.
- Improved heart health: Diets in healthy fats are high in the fatty acids needed for improved heart health.
- Seizure reduction: People who have epilepsy are often instructed to follow this high fat diet. By maintaining a state of ketosis, they can reduce the frequency of their seizures.
- Weight loss: This is probably the key reason for keto’s popularity. Simply put, your body works harder to burn fat as fuel than glucose. This leads to faster weight loss for many.
- Satiety: Because the keto diet emphasizes fats and proteins, it’s a very satisfying diet. Followers feel fuller longer and many of the foods that fall within the diet’s guidelines are quite tasty and indulgent.
- Reduced cancer risk: A recent study indicates that the ketogenic diet can complement traditional cancer treatments to help patients obtain better end results.
- Better cognitive function: This is an area where more study is required, but it appears as if the keto diet may have beneficial or preventative effects on Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s disease. It may also lead to improved cognitive function and better alertness.
- Blood sugar regulation: This high fat, low carb diet has proven time and time again to benefit people with type 2 diabetes.
Dr. Berg adds that “When used correctly, the ketogenic diet can be used as a tool for people who want to optimize their health. I’ve witnessed patients lose weight, enjoy higher energy levels and eliminate many health problems. Combined with exercise and healthy eating patterns, keto is truly life changing.”
Most recently, the keto diet also gained the attention of health officials in the United States. They will be updating national dietary guidelines in 2020 to include low carb diets like keto.
Are there any drawbacks that stay behind the scenes?
There are potential issues with any diet or lifestyle that are less popularized on social media. Keto can cause some complications in people who have type 1 diabetes. It’s also not recommended for individuals with eating disorders, unless advised by their Doctor. However, the Keto Diet can benefit women with Hormonal issues, including Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome.
With keto, the primary concern is one of education. “Before they take on this diet, it’s imperative that people understand exactly how keto works,” said Dr. Berg. “They must learn how to maintain a healthy diet within the plan that meets their nutritional needs. Any healthy diet plan will include exercise, eating the right amount of food and making other lifestyle changes. Many of the negative outcomes people attribute to keto are actually a result of misunderstanding the principles of the diet itself.”
The ketogenic diet represents a shift from decades of traditional dietary advice. So many people are regaining their health, maintaining healthy weight and getting relief from chronic health problems. It’s clear that this is no longer a fad diet and it’s finally getting the attention it deserves.
- "You're Just Peeing Out a Lot of Money." This Is the Real Way You're Flushing Your Retirement Savings Down the Drain – MONEY
- Don't Let These Problems Get in the Way of Healthy Eating – ConsumerReports.org
- FDA Sends Warning Letters on Dietary Supplements – Wall Street Journal
- 14 Simple Ways to Stick to a Healthy Diet – EcoWatch
- New Tool Alerts Public to Unlawfully Marketed Dietary Supplement Ingredients – The Cardiology Advisor
"You're Just Peeing Out a Lot of Money." This Is the Real Way You're Flushing Your Retirement Savings Down the Drain – MONEY
Don't Let These Problems Get in the Way of Healthy Eating – ConsumerReports.org
FDA Sends Warning Letters on Dietary Supplements – Wall Street Journal
14 Simple Ways to Stick to a Healthy Diet – EcoWatch
New Tool Alerts Public to Unlawfully Marketed Dietary Supplement Ingredients – The Cardiology Advisor
My Pregnant Body – 3 Fitness Influencers On The Reality of Working Out Until Birth – elle.com
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